noangelordemon

when we woke up this morning, steve and i discovered mr. robot fish dead in his little tank. poor thing. it was nice having you for 4 months. your swimming around and trying to jump out of the water will be missed.

i rode my bike for about 5 miles today. not bad considering it's the first time i have ridden in a couple years. it sucked going up hills, but with a few more rides i think it will all be much easier. and i feel really awesome and energized now.

i really fucking miss steve. i've been trying so hard not to get bummed, but due to him being out of the country, i haven't spoken to him in a week and it's really starting to get to me. being at the insubordination fest yesterday and seeing all these couples holding hands and whatnot almost made me cry. hopefully while he is in the u.s. for a couple days before they leave for japan i will get to talk to him a bit. 3 more weeks til they are home.

i only have to work 3 days this week because of the holiday. so that kinda rules. i have no plans for the 4th, nor do i think i will make any. i spent last year alone and i might just do the same. maybe ride my bike down to the harbor to see the fireworks or something. i hate making plans and feeling obligated to be places where i don't necessarily want to be.

i've noticed that i really don't enjoy drinking anymore and being around people who are drunk really irritates me beyond belief. it's to the point where i don't even like going to bars for fear of having to interact with drunk people. kinda funny considering i used to be quite the drinker. it has lost pretty much all of its charm. or maybe i'm just a hypocritical asshole.

well. my stomach is fucking killing me today. i'm also bleeding a lot more than i have been. fucking christ. i wish this shit would hurry up and heal. i think a shower might help me feel a little better. i feel so disgusting.

while consuming my biscuit for breakfast this morning, since that's all i really want to eat now, i was looking up the telephone number for harbor duvall on the internet since it mysteriously disappeared from my contacts when i got a new phone. well, interestingly enough in googling the website, i see that they posted a fucking job announcement on careerbuilder this past friday trying to hire 3 new people. one for the second prepress shift (which i already knew they were going to hire for), one for offset (which i am by no means qualified for and could care less about), and one for fucking bindery. what the fuck, man!?!?!? i mean, i was hired as a temporary employee and they told me they didn't really want me working full-time, which was fine at the time. but now, i have to keep two jobs to pay my bills because i need that extra money and i am still not working a full 40 hour week there. i would be more than willing to work 7:30-4 just like everyone else if they would just let me. so seeing this job posted kinda irritated me just a little bit. this comes only days after i found out that the new kid who they hired to do what i did all last summer is getting paid $2 an hour more than me to start. ack! no bueno! no bueno at all!!!!! i mean i have been saying for months now that if they would give me a slight raise and offer me a permanent job with health insurance (as they have done for other people who are there working just about the same as me), then i would stay in a heartbeat. i like the job. i like the people i work with. and i'm really sick of looking for another job and working two jobs to stay afloat. in addition to this, i am also paranoid now that they are gonna hire someone else on to do bindery and then they won't have enough work for me to do and let me go again. that would fucking suck. i can't deal with that right now. ugh. well, when steve comes home, he says he's gonna teach me how to do all the stuff that he knows so that i am able to do more stuff and allow him more time to learn to run the other machines. maybe that will give me an edge. and maybe i can ask if they will just hire me into this bindery position. they know i'm dependable. and i already know the job and everything that comes along with it. i'm very stressed about this.

in other job related news, buck is allowing me to stay off the schedule until june 1st at rocket to venus, which is awesome. i am scheduled to go back to work at harbor duvall this friday but i think that trying to balance both jobs for the first week back after surgery would be a little much for my body right now. neal is leaving rocket in june so he wants to know if i would be willing to work tuesdays, thursdays, and saturdays. if those are going to be the set-in-stone days that i will be working from now on, then i have no problem with that, as long as i can have off on june 16th for the bad business show. it would honestly be better than working the friday/saturday/sunday schedule that i have been on where i have zero days off every week between there and harbor duvall. maybe i can actually have a life and friends again soon. the light at the end of the tunnel might be getting closer.

all i have to say is that with all this work i do, i better get some kind of sickass reward when i die for being so awesome. yeah, i said it. deal with it, jerkfaces.

the rest of my week consists of:
-the season 3 finale of lost tonite.
-crucial hangouts with nicholas vance.
-going back to work.
-being stoked for steve to get home.
-memorial day cookout at club treat.

i guess life could be worse. i'll stop complaining now.

today consisted of applying for more jobs. 8 more today. and getting my resume all set up for the career fair at m&t on wednesday. oh and also making more cookies that i refuse to consume myself. i also cried a lot today. what's new. i'm starting to get pretty down on myself about a lot of things. i need to quit that shit.

my cat chewed through the power cord for my ibook, so i can no longer use it until the one i had to special order and have shipped to me for $80 arrives. hopefully that will be soon. hopefully he will not destroy another one. this is the third one i have had in a year. i don't know how that fucker hasn't shocked himself real bad yet.

i woke up this morning feeling kinda shitty. my throat was all dry and scratchy and my nose was all stuffy. it's better now. i hope the plague is not returning, although recent circumstances could prove the case to be different.

i guess i'll go try to organize my room and listen to records now. i was trying to avoid unpacking everything because i didn't plan on staying here for very long, but since i can't find a job, it seems that i will be here long enough to warrant unpacking. fuck.

i think 90% of my thoughts are occupied by money/jobs lately. i hate it. i want to focus on things that mean something more to me.

last night was possibly one of the best nights ever.
met up with julie, mike, alex, and dan and headed up to the westminster show. alex, dan, julie, and i went to subway and then sat around in the living room at this house eating and being lazy. kristin got stuck in awful traffic and didn't make it to the show so there was a fill-in bass player which was pretty funny. after paper dragons played, alex and i left and went to pick up the trailer for pulling teeth in parkville. then he dropped me off at rocket to venus to meet up with a bunch of folks for pete's birthday. well, all i had eaten all day was a half a veggie sub. then i drank 6 glasses of pinot noir. much of the evening is a blur after a few of those glasses. apparently i called and texted a lot of people. julie and i were dancing at some point. i ran into a dude who i went to college with. i found out more small world coincidences. i talked to brigette for a really long time. i got my picture taken with pat about fiftymillion times. then i walked back to pat's house and passed out on the futon in the living room with a sleeping bag.
i was still drunk most of today. pat and i had bff adventure day and went to target and best buy and sunny's surplus. then we sat around watching tv for a long time with erica. i gotta go meet doug for dinner in a few minutes. i'm hoping to not really drink much tonite. i don't like this wine hangover at all.

last night turned from sleeping to a drink with the girls to drinking all night with the dudes.
whatever. i had fun.
today was not fun when i woke up feeling like my head was going to explode.
i can no longer be a party machine. the drinking needs to stop, like immediately.
i still need a job.
i'm stoked for tofurky with the bff tomorrow.